Made Me Laugh

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not a retiree should be put in an old age home?”

“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the retiree and ask him or her to empty the bathtub”

“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”

“No” he said. “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”

You don’t even have to be a mother to enjoy this one…

Brian invited his mother over for dinner.. During the course of the meal,

Brian’s mother couldn’t help but notice how beautiful Brian’s roommate,
Jennifer, was. Brian’s Mom had long been suspicious of the platonic
relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more
curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the
eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, ‘I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.’

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, ‘Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle.
You don’t suppose she took it, do you?’

Brian said, ‘Well, I doubt it, but I’ll send her an e-mail just to be sure.
So he sat down and wrote:
__________________________________________________________
Dear Mom,
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the gravy ladle from the house, I’m not
saying that you ‘did not’ take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that
one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Brian
__________________________________________________________
Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother that read:
____________________________________________________
Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Jennifer, I’m not saying that you
‘do not’ sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is
sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.
Love, Mom

LESSON OF THE DAY – NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

Jermaine Askia Cooper, 36, who Indiana police say led officers on a 90-mph chase before stopping suddenly at a Taco Bell parking lot in an unsuccessful attempt to get a burrito before going to jail.