Made Me Laugh

Apparently, the “Git-R-Done” guy has been deeply pondering again:

• A day without sunshine is like…night.
• On the other hand, you have…different fingers.
• 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• Remember, half the people you know are…below average.
• He who laughs last…thinks slowest.
• Depression is merely…anger without enthusiasm.
• The early bird may get the worm…but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
• Support bacteria! They’re the only “culture” some people have.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of…a bad memory.
• Change is inevitable. Except from vending machines.
• If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
• How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand…
• OK…so what’s the speed of dark?
• When everything finally seems to be coming your way…you’re in the wrong lane.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
• Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
• What happens if you get scared half to death…twice?
• Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
• Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, “What the heck happened?”
• Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
• Light travels faster than sound. That explains why some people appear bright…until you hear them speak.
• Life isn’t like a box of chocolates…it’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.